I am constantly feeling like I have to prove myself. Why? And to who? Are people really watching or following me? Are they listening to me through my computer?! Watching me through the television? Why would this God, of my understanding, help me through so much struggle, reveal himself, and then become too complex? I'm to the point where insanity slips in! Unhappyness and a total loss of self are my feelings at this time. All because I feel God reveals Himself and becomes more visible in my life which enables me to gain better knowledge of my surroundings. But with knowledge, it leads me to question more things. I am once again insecure and unhappy. Then I have to sit back and remember all of the promises that have come true, everything I have witnessed helps me keep my Faith. Finding that medium or balance of knowledge and faith brings justice into our lives. It seems alot of the trouble I've been in stems from being too stupid! I always think that if I had paid more attention to things in the past or listened more that I would be smarter today or something... But, we all do "stupid" things and those little mistakes can set you back 2 weeks or spring you forward ten years. It's quite odd. The whole idea of time is quite odd. But I try not to dwell on the past, that leads me off path. It is learning from the past that make a "stupid mistake" nonexistant.
I want to be myself today and expirience life on life's terms- I want to endeavor every moment. At this present time... haha, it's another AA meeting.
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