11/30/09

I think I overstepped my boundaries today. Since I've been off of probation, I was able to trade in my run down old car that I had been driving and in return recieved an advanced loan to pay off my debt. I've been driving my new car for about the past two months, just made the first car payment. So now that the amount of the loan I've taken out for the new car has become more apparent, I dont feel the amount of the loan is a just amount for the quality of the vehicle. I love the body style, the expirience and time I had with my father while purchasing, and the customer service of the sales representative... but 18k is alot of money! So, I called the bank in which the loan was taken from and they called me to talk to the dealership. I called the dealership and spoke to a sales rep, they told me to call the dealership of the different car that I was interested in buying from. I got in touch with the new dealership and the guy happily was wanting to work withh me. Explained to him my entire situation, he told me to come in and we'll see. I just wanted to see if I could even get approved before talking to the sales man who sold me my currant car. Long story short, I forgot or didn't even take into account that my dad was the co signer. When it came time to fill out the approval paper work, they needed my dad's information. I called him, told him the situation and he totally didn't agree with me at all. Says that I made a deal with him, I signed the paperwork of my current choice of car and that was that. Even though I told him I felt unsafe driving it and that it was not worth the amount of money I am now going to owe. I was really upset, caused a scene in the dealership, unintentionally, and was confused as to how my dad still has the amount of control over me. If he had already co signed for the currant loan and the new dealership was willing to work with me on the situation... why would my dad dissagree about trying to get a better car for myself? It'd be about the same amount of money, I'm the one paying it off. I feel like we got ripped off and thats my fault for letting emotions get involed while purchasing. Never buy a car from a sales guy who reminds you of your boyfriend and uncle in the same person. He's supposed to remind you of your Dad. I know this now. And I should have been more outspoken about how unhappy I was with the quality of the car since I've been driving it. I probably should have confronted my Dad first before going to the new dealership... but then again I really didn't see that to be neccesary. I thought he would atleast trust my judgement. I think that if I would have talked to him about it previously then things wouldn't have happened the way they did, obviously. But not for the better, I dont know. I feel bad about it now, the whole situation. I will most likely apalogize and try to forget about it tomorrow. Or atleast talk to my Dad some more.

The point is the dealership was willing to work with me, and that's a good thing!

11/23/09

My thoughts are becoming louder. Especially at work. People are realizing that I am alot smarter then they thought. Or atleast that is what they want me to believe, it seems. I have to be careful though, trying not to offend. To talk and listen at the same time is pretty difficult. I can hear others too. But mainly statements and questions. Not numbers or locations yet. But I can hear from other men and apparently I'm not supposed to. I dont believe that though.

11/18/09

Today, for the first time... I told a guy off by using my MIND. While I was crying, I believe I said, "Yeah.. Don't Fuck your Daughter, Man." Then I continued to purchase the CD and walked out. I think his reiteration was "I know I know... what a dirty little mouth." True Story. I felt like I was being escorted out of the store. Didn't know the guy and I had no harmful intentions towards him whatsoever.

11/16/09

I survived my probation. Bootcamp for life. That's what it felt like. Anyways, it is over and done. I couldn't fathom the idea at first. A year without drinking or drugs. However, there was the occasional "slip up" and drinking binge. To tell me that I couldn't drink alcohol at age 23 was difficult for me to accept. Just the idea that someone had the authority over me, or the power to tell me I couldn't do something really made me mad. Especially as an American citizen- Hell... that's my God given right, right? To do what I want. So a year to grow up! Sounds petty and small. Only a year of sobriety. To each his own. Honestly, I didn't think I'd live to see 21. When I was in Elementary School, I remember looking up to the 5th graders and thinking that'd I'd never live to be that old or that cool.

They say the human brain fully developes at the age of 24. I dont know if that is scientifically proven. But I'm guessing it's a general statement or figure that scientists want us to believe. However, my brain must have been in ultra growth mode over the this year because I hear more clearly then I ever have before... or well, more certain that I hear now.

11/10/09

Love Stinks.