12/28/09

Where do I begin? It's around 2am, I'm 1/2 way drunk and waiting for my boyfriend to call. I say boyfriend because he's a boy and he's my friend. I may never see him but he called me on my birthday at 4am and that says something. He was the first one to call! But anyways... I just left the bar with one of my closest friends. I really dont have alot of friends. The more people that you eliminate from your life, the closer you become to God (I have found).

Science says that by the age of 24 your brain should become fully developed. They taught me that in all of the psyche classes I've had to take for "substance abuse". I started smoking cigarettes at the age of 17.. I was in highschool and I thought it was cool and rebelious. Never really taking into realization the fact that CANCER was/ is a real metaphysical entity in which can take over all the cells in your body and turn you into and mean, angry sick person. I couldn't comprehend that idea up until 2 months ago. My dad is a tabacco conesuer, which means he dips, which means he sucks on chewing tabacco all day. It never really bothered me up until this past year. Everyone talks about "cancer" which is a disease that has become socially exceptable and has taken away from the true meaning of what the disease really is a symptom of... (... symptom meaning... you tell me!) I believe that all sickness is a form of some probability within the mind, brain, ego- if you will, of whomever it may exist within.

I went to "the bar" tonite. Actually two bars to be exact. I love going out and getting fresh new scenary. Since I've been locked up in my parents house for the past few months after loosing my apartment due to the lack of funds, I enjoy a good meet outside. to anywhere really. But going into bars can become expensive.

12/21/09

I woke up to my aunt calling me this morning and the only thing I can remember about the conversation was me saying "John Lennon" and then I woke up.

12/7/09

The closer I become in touch with myself, my God, the harder it becomes for me to remember things. Just little things. For example, a really cool new theory someone might enlighten me with, buying the material for that idea or project, and the contacts in which I need to posess or maintain those ideals. Basically, the things I need to do in my spare time or when I get off of work. I might be expiriencing something momentary during the begininng stages of the day and I'll exute all my energy into that one action and in the midst of it all, I might gain a slight bit of clarity of somesort pertaining to one idea or concept in my mind will have an epifany that will seem highly important at the time, but due to my current self or space in time, my mind can't seem to keep those at a surface level where I am allowed to explore it to a more advanced level. Thus, allowing myself to become disstracted from the stem of my recognition and loosing touch with the basis of my new found idea. Maybe this is what happens with the coming of age. I should write things down more often. Mental blocks, defects of character... that is what I'm working on right now. And wanting to see Him more. Knowing whats true and remembering not to deny myself or any of the thoughts or ideals I have found within myself that make up who I have become. If I denied any part of it, who I have become would be worthless. But to learn and carry on is what is important.

12/3/09

MYSPACE.COM/DJANGOTIME
"Skies over Cairo"
this is not for talking
i wish, i wish
i could see you
so serious
so serious

12/2/09

" You're trying to dissprove my scientific exploration and I don't like it! "
- Me (in reference to my Dad)