1/4/10

I'm 24 years old and contemplting running away from home. How silly is this. I feel old and retired yet my parents are still insisting on "teaching me a lesson". I have overcome so many obstacles and mental blocks over the past couple of years. I feel completely enlightened and yet no one is taking me serious. Like, what is it that I gotta do to get some recognition around here?! I know I fuck up and make mistakes but who doesn't?! Really?! Thats the way I learn! Not the only way I learn but the most effective way that I learn. Believe it or not- my brain is like a mental notepad. I can relate tons of random information into one single process of thought and make complete sense out of it! Really I can. I'm a great debator too. Thats one of the best ways to share your intelligance. I think its mind boggeling for my parents because they have no clue where I'm getting all of the information I have stored in my brain. They focus too much on the negative and over look the positive. I do the same thing too though... but now I can atleast recognize when I do things that way and stand back and try to make a change for the better.

My Dad said that I was the kind of girl that wants attention and I agreed and said that I needed a boyfriend and he got mad and yelled at me and said that no man in his right mind would touch me. Thats when I started fantasizing about how living in Austin would be such a divine idea for me right now. I should have left yesterday, I should have left tonite... maybe I'll leave tomorrow.

No matter how mad I get at my family, even when I know that they are selfishly loving me, I can't help but to feel remorefull and still loving towards them. They have always helped me and taken care of me... but they have done all they can, ya know? I need to move on and come back and help them! I feel like I'm not accomplishing things that I need to by being here, in their house night after night. They are holding me back intellectually from expiriencing more life on my own and pumping me fearful ideas that are crushing my Disney like dreams.

P.S. never go to the bar alone on New Years Eve, you'll end up taking off your shirt on the dance floor and waking up at a friends house with no recollection of the previous night's events...