9/09/2010

I left the crazy house today. Literally. Green Oaks. Local nuthouse for people with the crazies. I was only there for a night but I deffinately could have stayed alot longer if I needed to. Seeing Josh kiss another girl at the bar sent me over the edge. I fliped. I lost it. The next night I showed up to a pool party at one of my favorite bars in a bikini and cowboy boots. Unfortunately I was like the only on in a swim suit. haha. I ended up blacking out, yelling and hitting people. I woke up in my bed without my car. A friend had given me a ride home. I woke up naked. My mom freaked me out. I started hearing all kinds of voices in my head telling me all kinda of different things like "oh no... you did it again... he came inside her didn't he." Frist off I was way too beligerant to even have sex of any kind and I had a tampon in. And I just kept hearing people say "I bet it was her Dad... I bet he fucked her" Which the mere thought completely disguits me. Point being I needed help. Seeing Josh with another girl made me flip the fuck out and I dont really care. I've seen some counselors and apparently I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I spent the night in a chair, lightly talking to the girl next to me who had way more to say that I did. She was a meth head. Im pretty sure I had some rank gas because I had taken laxatives earlier in the day. hahah. I feel a daily poop is very much necessarry for everyone. So I guess i'm better now. My feelings are the same just a little numb so things wont hurt as much. My mom wont let me drink alcohol in the house anymore and I have absolutely no money to get any... and they are threatening to take the car away, which they pretty much already have since they wont let me drive it. Even though they are giving me anxiety pills, I still say alcohol is better. Or marijuana.