My last relationship... real relationship, was with a Nathan Scott Holman. We were together for about 4 years, give or take a few on and off breaks in between. But we lived together, in like three different places. I still had the majority of my things at my parents house but I would spend almost every night with him. And I'd go to school or work, or both, and then spend all my free time with him. We met through my best friend from Highschool, Erin. He was one of her roomates and we met and hit it off after drinking a bottle of Southern Comfort. I was still getting over my feelings for Josh. Told myself that there wasn't anyway for us to ever get back together. He had obviously moved on much faster than I had or could. I smoked alot of pot during this time which also led to me smoking methamphetamine with Erin's boyfriend on occasion. I dont know what I was thinking. Probably anything to hide how insecure and insignificant I felt inside. But I think Nathan probably made me feel better then all of the drugs I started doing. I would go to his band practices, watch him play video games, hang out with him and his friends at the recording studio, eat at Denny's alot... For a second I thought I was going to marry him. He had casually jokingly talked about it. Then the more drugs I started to do, the more girls he would hang out with when I wasn't around. It was hard for me to trust him. We would argue and breakup at times, it was usually because I was doing drugs or I brought up my feelings for Josh that wouldn't go away. But I really wanted to be honest with Nathan about it. He knew what my feelings were but he still loved me. Then after we both turned 21, we were drinking all of the time and he started hanging out with one of the girls in his band when I wasnt there. That led to us just being friends and having sex on occasion. And then that started to make me feel gross. Surprisingly Josh called me one night as I was on my way to Nathan's and I didn't know what to do, if he was serious or if he just wanted to have sex, I didn't know what his intentions were at that time... It had been like two years since I'd even seen him. Nathan and I had grown so close it was hard for me to get rid of the bond we still had. Needless to stay, I ended up going over to Josh's place and just sleeping next to him. I felt stupid for being with Nathan and left behind because I had no clue as to what Josh had actually been up to, I had missed him alot.. It was such a huge moment for me. I'm pretty sure I was in shock the entire time I was there. He said he was tired and that he didn't want to sleep alone. We watched The Graduate and went to sleep.
Its been years since then, Nathan and I occasionally speak. He's moved to Austin.. I've visited him a few times. Actually this past Thanksgiving to be exact. We had Burger King on Thanksgiving Day. I had french fries and a milkshake. It was probably the best thing I had eaten all year. I enjoyed my time with him, after finding out Josh was in a relationship with someone else, I thought that maybe Nathan and I could reconnect. But it just wasn't there. Maybe I was too pathetic? Maybe he had moved on? I don't know. But he took care of me and gave me the attention that I needed.
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