Its hard for me to explain the way I felt when I saw the photo on Josh's Facebook of him and his then/now girlfriend. Complete humiliation maybe. Devistation even... that everything I had believed was completely false. I felt I gave everything to sobriety, to loving Josh, to listening to him, his music, his voice. Thought he was going to come sweep me off my feet. Thought he actually cared about me and loved me just as much in return. Then when I saw the photos of them together, everything changed. I grew even more bitter and angry then I had before. Literally like my heart was ripped out of my chest and served to me on a cold platter... for the second time. The girl he's with is gorgeous, I can't even compete, and all of my inadequecies turn me into one big basket case. This is how apathy has set in and left me lonely. Not only do I not care about all the women he has fallen in love with, I've stopped caring about my life, my future, my circumstances, school, friends, etc. ... this is not good. Really bad things happen when one does this.
Again, falling out of love with him is something new for me and can be quite scary. It's a completey new life, new way of thinking and decision making that I haven't quite been able to jump into.
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