Getting angry seems to be apart of my daily routine. I cry alot. And for some reason seem to feel guilty for getting upset. But I feel my anger and frustration is completely justified at this point. I'm afraid that i'm becoming dependant on whatever chemical becomes released when one begins to cry. Some hormone I'm sure. I dont want to start creating problems or mental insanity so that I have a reason to cry all the time. I just want to know the truth.
When I dont know what is going on, but I think I have a pretty good idea yet no one seems to be talking to me about it, makes me feel like people are intentionally trying to make me insane! And I get lonely and bitter. Very bitter. Doesn't matter how much I love someone or something. That doesnt change the way I feel the circumstances that have come into play to rectify a certain situation. And not that I hate or that I am mad at a particular indiviadual, but at the situation itself. In retrospeck makes me hate myself... for allowing myself to become bitter. For getting confused and upset of not knowing exactly why the things around me are coming into play the way that they are. Sometimes I can accept the reality and sometimes I can't.
But I know it is probably because I am scared that I will get hurt again.
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