I was originally a nursing major. So my mind works in a very clinical type manor. I over analyze what it seems to be, everything, and when I dont cross analyze or think like the bad guy, I lose. And end up feeling guilty like I should have been more forceful or proven more evidence to back up my case. For example, I am given 30 hours of work for my job... I show up for work and my manager cuts half of my hours. In return I feel it is my fault for losing money because I rejected 15 extra hours I could have had from outside managers who called to give me work on the same days in which I was already on the schedule to work. Even though my work schedule was planned a month in advance, if I had called and reconfirmed my work schedule the week before... I may have been able to work the extra hours that had been offered to me. In order to benefit my situation further I have to think like the bad guy to understand the world around me.
Last night I had an epiphany. It was a concept deep down I understood but never actually sat back and made time to rationalize in my head. I've come to realize that the decisions you make are the testimony of your love.
I've been told that you shouldn't ever say what you won't do in the future. However, let me say this... I will never lie to my children. Mental anguish from doing the wrong thing, otherwise known as Hell, is that last thing I want to add on top of my already sickened conciousness. If you think that I am trying to pull the Holier than Thou card- I'm not. I'm being honest. However I am not a liar. If I were I'd be terrible at it and completely see through. Even when I was waiting tables at a steakhouse for extra cash, my manager told me that I would have to learn how to lie. As I child I rarely can remember being dishonest with my parents. It was until I was older and living on my own did I become more screteive with the decisions I chose to make in my life. I'm not saying that I have never told I lie. I'm sure I have at one point or another but I can honestly sit here, angrily, with a clear consious because I feel that I have been lied to. Have I repented? Yes.
Even if a person doesn't know they have been lied to, it still creates confusion in reality which creates dissention which can cause anger and lead to not only distrust but insanity. This could be the cause as to why I have disstanced myself from certain beings in my life. None in particular, just in general. And that goes along with any other kind of "bad" in one's life. You can either be drawn to it repelled. And there are many degrees to go along with this.
What is a lie? Asking someone a specifically direct question and them knowingly giving you an answer oppose the truth.
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