Even though he told me to leave him alone. He still has found a way to penetrate his way into my life. Mind and soul. But I'm trying to leave him alone. I wish I could ignore him but I can't. My mom thinks that I am obsessed. I try not to listen to her very much. She has crushed my hopes on the idea of a fairytale ending... or the idea of finding true love. She doesn't agree with the way I percieve my reality to be. Or what I believe love is.
Sometimes I think the only reason he keeps me in his life is because he knows that in order for him to get the relationship that he wants, I have to believe it will happen. Regardless if its me or someone else. If he knows that I am a piece of his puzzle who can make certain things happen in his life, he'll keep doing what it is he is doing to me until he gets what he wants. Even if it isn't me that he wants.
After visiting him several times in San Antonio, I decided that it would probably be best if I just moved out there. My bestfriend at the time lived there too. Even though I graduated highschool early, she graduated even earlier which left opportunity for us to grow further apart. I missed her, I missed him, so I decided to leave. A week or two before I actually moved, I get a phone call... he wants to meet me in a different city about 45 minutes from my house. About 450 miles away from his. He was already there. I told him to quit the bull shit and tell me what was going on. He said he wasn't happy and that we were over. He had decided to move back home... he had been seeing someone else. Someone else in the city that was 45 minutes away from my house. I can't even begin to describe my feelings at that moment. Anger, jealousy, betrayal... frustration. Everything at once came pouring out in huge tears. I soon saw my mother's psychiatrist and became medicated. Then I moved to San Antonio and had my first real taste of freedom. That's a very important thing for a women to expiriencne. Independace. I'm not sure if all women get to live through it. I was young, single, and had nothing to do but look forward. I was truly free and didn't care much about anything. I enrolled at the local community college where me and my best friend decided to go.
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