I panic alot. Er, I guess you could say that I have mood swings. Everything will be going along perfect and then something negative happens and I dissagree and sets me off. Oh well, thats life right? Sometimes yes, but only if you allow it to be that way. Your reality that is.
I just got back from visiting my brother in Georgia where he graduated from his entry into the Army. It was a long car ride with my grandma and parents but it was totally worth it in the long run. It was a great visit even though I was highly annoyed the entire time. My uncle even drove out from tennessee and spent some time with us. It was nice staying in the La Quinta for about a week. Free breakfast, yay.
One of the nights really got to me. Actually, several of the nights really got to me... every night gets to me. One thought in particular keeps running through my head. Guess its my fear... or maybe truth? But I hate it. There is nothing I can do about it. The time that I have spent apart from Josh has given him plenty of space to spend with someone else. I pretty much am convinced that he has another life with another woman, or even mutiple women and is secretly hiding it from me so that I will sustain living the life that I have, the little that I do manage to have left. Like my dad is paying him to write songs that I think are about me.
Even though I know its not true, this is how it feels.
The other woman of course would be the woman he left me for. Boo fucking hoo, right?
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