6/07/2010

I woke up from an afternoon drunk early this morning. Around 3am. I had slept through my Sunday night karaoke. I was pissed. I went to the 24 hour gas station, bought a pack of cigarettes and sat out front my house waiting for him. I sat outside for about 2 hours. He drove by, that was it. I hoped he would come back but he did not. I layed on my drive way starring at the clouds. I saw all kinds of shapes, faces even. Then my neighbors front porch light came on, and my other neighbor was getting in his car to leave for work, I decided I should just go inside and get some sleep. I felt ill like I needed to vomit, so I did. I still felt sick and couldn't sleep. Alot of questions unanswered once again, this is why keeping faith becomes almost impossible. My mind wonders and I begin to hear crazy things. Things like he doesn't love me anymore and he still loves her, that he's been having seizures, that he's been having sex with his neighbor because they designed it that way, etc. etc. I am fearful of the unknown and striving for the truth. So I put on some music and hope to fall asleep.